Saturday, January 8, 2011

Who am I? Really?

One of the many things I'm not too good at: introducing myself. It is in these moments where I simply state my name, and perhaps my age, right before I realize that I am sounding more and more like a crack addict in Cocaine Anonymous. Why are their names the first things that people say on the microphone at these support groups? HELLLLLLLLO, that beats the point of the "anonymity." And because nobody on this site has their own profile, unlike Facebook/MySpace/etcetera, clearly stating general demographics like






I am convinced that the only thing that matters is WHAT I'm typing into this pale, snowy void and not so much the WHO that is typing it.
So, considering all that's been said, this may be the best way to begin my first post:

-walks up to the mic. LOWERS it. (the mic always needs to be lowered shut up)-

"Hey, guys, today is my first day here........

...................Ah shit, my name's already in the URL. WHO PUT IT THERE?!

As you've obviously figured, my name is Mawwie and I think Honey Nut Cheerios is too sweet when eaten alone. I like them in milk though. Vanilla soymilk, that is.

A few days ago, I had a concussion.

mmmm okay, you can stop laughing now.
I didn't really get the time to explain to errbody asking; even then, errthing happened too quickly for me to fully grasp what the hell was happening as these scarring moments unfolded. But chances are it went a little something like this:

1 - Jubilantly ice skating (think: happy pandas and Johann Strauss's "The Blue Danube")
2 - Lost balance (mentally falling on my side in regular speed divided by 100)
3 - Lands on left cheekbone and hits head on ice before a crowd swarms (people calling out your name in dramatic slow mo but you can't hear them; children crying)
4 - Gets helped onto feet and dragged to the side. EXCRUCIATING PAIN. (think: horrific cacophony. see Slipknot)
5 - UBERMIGRAINE, but seeing double and a whole variety of flickering colors. (do: lysergic acid diethylamide)

Was I just on an ACCIDENTAL acid trip?               


This was the first time I've ever experienced a concussion; new experiences always excite me to the point where I have the dire urge to grab the proverbial pen and create something beautiful and touching on paper. How about a haiku?

O dear concussion,
took me by surprise on ice!
Where is my mommy?

After I got home, I popped some pills - no, you can't have what I took - and crashed for two hours. Woke up sane (once again?) and, being the voracious intellect that I am, figured that I'd do some research. How exactly does one cure a Grade III concussion? Of course, this seemed to me like a job for the almighty, trustworthy Wikipedia whose first page provided the answer in a more constructive and graphic form than expected. It all became clear.

1) Stand in front of gray wall.
2) In one swift motion, ram head into wall.
3) Feel better! :D

Other searches were of people posting questions, such as "HELP!!! DO I HAVE A CONCUSSION?!"

Seriously, if you were in a situation where you fell or ran into something with such great force that it left you feeling mentally disoriented, YET still do not know if you underwent some brain trauma then........well, maybe you had brain trauma to begin with. Sorry about that, fella, hate to break it to ya. :)

Then, there were questions like "Can your baby get pregnant if you have sex while your pregnant?"

This is the part where I crawled into bed and cried for humanity.


  1. Here I'll throw in my to cents. You made me laugh. Your blow is funny and I love the fish. Hello! My name is Sande. Sorry about the consussion, do you think she should have gone to the ER? Sounds scary! Oh about finding a dad who could have been anybody's hero (he was an amazing person but died way too young)said "be your own hero." Admire some, be disappointed in others but you are your own hero. Just never, for the love of god, chose a sports figure for a hero...they are not. lol!

  2. :D You got a blogspot. I love it. I got one last spring and love posting. :)

  3. I find this blog both shallow and pedantic.

  4. Je t'aime avec tour mon couer, maintenant et pour toujours.

  5. LOL Chinh, that was my friend. He was just kidding. <3

    Désolé, mais vous êtes qui?