Friday, February 4, 2011

a sort of self-insufficiency.

School sucks away my livelihood. Two-hour lectures by incompetent professors back to back and sticking my face into pages and pages of monotonous information during my breaks - the perfect recipe for suicide assistance. It's difficult to be content when you see the same inmates everyday, perform the same actions everyday, and find yourself even thinking the same thoughts everyday. My list of phobias is short, and there are some components I'm not embarrassed to disclose (although I'm a tad ashamed to say that I do sleep with a nightlight). One of those things?

and I fear it.

Involving myself in a life devoid of spontaneity. Pent up in a situation I feel I have no control over; wake up, brush teeth, go to class, eat, study, shower, sleep, wake up, brush teeth, go to class......

Not saying that it'd make me want to kick an endangered species, but.
I can't take it. 

I want to be risky, to be bold. I want to test some limits. I want to skydive even though I will hesitate moments before plunging headfirst into something I have never thought twice about. I want to fly over to the Oceania islands and go scuba diving - know what it's like to lay in solitude deep down inside a massive body of liquid that is slowly consuming the planet. I want to call a village in Zambia my home for a couple months - to experience having resources so scarce that showering daily is a true luxury, with the only form of energy at night originating from the moon and the stars - to see what metropolitans are unable to see due to a blanket that covers the cities or a smog that clouds the mind. I want to roam the safari, discover the Amazon, scale the Alps, capture the nature of what it means to be untamed amongst beings that humans consider "wild" but fail to understand. And most importantly, I want to venture besides an accomplice - someone I can trust whole-heartedly who answers with "why not?" and whose greatest sin is a lack of temperance to living a life so passionately fulfilled.

Until that day, I remain incomplete.


  1. I would have to agree. From the clear skies of Alaska with so many stars and the occasional Aurora, to the 3 star sky of NYC...makes you question where you're really going.

  2. I really do believe you will do all of these things one day, and maybe a few other exceptional things. I mean I didn't see befriending a whale or challenging a member of the Swiss Guard to an arm wrestling contest, but my magic eight ball seems to think that "the outlook is good".

  3. I don't mean to impose, but what is stopping you right now from experiencing your dream life? You can have this all now. Listen to your heart. I know I have yet to experience my dreams, but I know it's becoming a reality finally after years of daydreaming and hurting. I literally asked myself, "What am I doing here?" 'As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. It is not as wide as you think.' -Joseph Campbell I'm going now. Won't you come?